[I feel so guilty] Gina started with this sentence. [I should have called local people to help him.] I asked: [What happened?]  [My brother killed himself.] [Are you two living together?] I asked.

[NO, he lived alone. 3 hours flight to get there.] Gina continued: [I should have talked to Paul more often; I should have asked people there to keep an eye on him.] I asked: [Did you talk to him the night before?] [Yes! He sounded fine. As usual!]

[Do you have any idea why he did it?] Gina looked so gloomy: [He was sick and he suffered so much pains. BUT he never mentioned suicide.]  Gina was blinking her eyes to hold her tears. [When did it happen?] [Last Year.] (That’s means year 2020)

I soon found an opening to take Gina out of her depression over her brother’s death. [No one could travel last year. You could not fly there and he could not come here.] [I know … but still, I should have done something.]

Gina is in her 60’s, living alone, no kid. She had a couple intimate relationships, but she felt that she was not capable to maintain a good relationship. [Did your brother have any child?] [No. He was like me, never got married.] [Was your brother close to you?] [Yes, he was 2 years older, and he always looked after me.] Gina continued: [My mother was an alcoholic. When she was drunk, we all tried to run away. I have 10 brothers and sisters. They all disappeared immediately.]

I asked: [Where did you go?] [I had nowhere to go, so I hid under my bed. I could hear my mom yelling, screaming, singing and crying. Sometimes, Paul hid with me. We were so scared.] [How old were you when she first got drunk?] Gina’s eyes blinked again: [Maybe five. As long as I can remember.]

She continued: [I am the little sister of all. But all my sisters and brothers left home soon as they could. Paul and I got stuck at home. Many times, Paul wanted to drop out high school to move out, but he felt sorry for me, so he stayed.] Tears got into Gina’s eyes.

[Where was your father?] I was curious. [He died in a car accident in his mid 60’s. He was fed up with my mom’s drinking, but he could do nothing.]

I now got a clear picture of Gina’s self-denial and fear of accepting healthy relationships, even she wants a countable one. Deep in her heart, she was worried that someday, she may follow her brother to commit suicide.  

I did age-regression for her first. Took her back to the 5-year-old little girl who hid under her bed to avoid her own mom, took her back when she first got help from Paul, took her back to feel how excited she was when she met her first lover.

By the time she got out my office, she knew that she will always miss her brother, but it was his choice to release himself from the chronic unbearable pains. She respects his choice and prays for him (which indeed pray for herself); she is also open to a nice soulmate.