“I have been smoking for over 60 years. Now, I really want to quit!” Candie called me. “Well, why wait till now?” I asked her.

“My doctor refused to do surgery on me, if I don’t quit. Because smoking will affect my recovery.” I assumed she got lung problem. “I do cough often, but my surgery will be my hernia. They tried to fix my hernia twice in last 12 years, but failed, I could not heal. And last week, my doctor told me if I don’t quit smoking, he would not do anything for me.” So she came.

Other than the hernia made her belly big, she is a nice looking lady in her early 70’s. I gave her a head-up: “You know, lots people gain weight after stop smoking.” “Oh, I lost 40 pounds in last two years, I don’t want to regain the weight.” I knew the body weight is closely related to emotions and mind, so I told her: “We can work on it.”

After asking her few questions, I soon realized that there were 3 major obstacles on the path of stop smoking. One was her husband’s drinking problem, one was her resentment of her abused / harassed childhood and one was her anxiety of her very unhappy mother-in-law.

We know, most smokers are using smoking to feel relaxing, to think how to deal with the situations, and to fit in the groups. Smokers depend on smoking more for emotional reasons than physical withdraws.

So, we worked on her husband’s daily drinking by building up her own self-confidence. No, she can’t change her loved one, but she can change herself by showing him — [Look! I can quit smoking for more than 60 years, I now smell so fresh and I am so proud of myself.]

The second one, the bad childhood memories. I did cycle therapy, brought her back when she was sexually harassed at age 9 and got her healed. The third one was how to deal with her mother-in-law. “You know, when I just got married, I wore size 4. I gained weight and I got hernia in last 12 years. Each time, when I went to see my mother-in-law, she always said: ‘I remember you were so slim.’ Every time… she always said something to make me feel uncomfortable. She is a miserable woman.”

“How old is she?” I was curious, for Candie is her 70’s. “She is 89, and my father-in-law is 90. You know what, I sometimes think I don’t want to live long life and end up like her. That’s another reason I hesitate to quit smoking.”

“Candie, you don’t need to live her life. You are you, she is she! The quality of your life in your remaining years, could be 5 or 10 years more, is more important than whatever she said to you! You quit smoking, you control your weight, you look beautiful and enjoy your life… You make your husband and his mother feel jealous about you. Does it sound good to you?”

Candie gave me a big smile: “I love that!” I told her to clean up all the cigarettes at home and anywhere she was hiding those 🙂 She laughed out loud: “I did before I came! I am a non-smoker now!”

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